Parent Madness Search

Barf o'clock

Pop quiz for parents: What happens right after your kid walks in your room at 2am crying because their belly hurts so bad??

Creepy crawly car

Driving home the kids saw a big spider crawling on the car ceiling! Had to pull over quick and squash it amid screaming girls.

Illustrious illustrations

Mom: My daughter wrote a new hit novel "Apple Orchard" and even wrote that it was "Illustrated" by her. All the critics are raving about it.

Pop pop

Sort of sad that being a grownup has made me really hate balloons.

Clap happy

The clapping games have begun. Something about peppermint patty and kissing in the dark??

Pushy princesses

Mom: Did you play that card game with your friends this morning? Daughter: No, I didn't play "princess match" this time because "it was getting too rough".


Son: Mom, this dinner was awesome and phenomenal. It was "awenominal"!

Movie madness

Had a nice calm quiet time at the movies. Except for when my little girl spilled her drink all over me, and when the baby cried the entire time for Mommy. Time for some drinks and parking my butt on couch!

Cereal slam

Amazing. Baby gets his hands all wet from stuffing cheerios in his mouth, then he takes his flat hand and slams it down on more cheerios. They stick to his hand and he eats them off. Repeat.


Dad: What's going on buddy? Son: Oh I was just sleeping standing. I was "slanding".

Burp alert

Baby was asleep on Mommy tonight. Right when I walked by he woke up and said *BURP* DADA!

Art master

My son brought an artwork masterpiece home from school. It was labeled "Colored poops" and was a bunch of ovals, all the colors of the rainbow!

Huddle trouble

The kids were up to something today. The oldest kept calling a "huddle" and they all got together and whispered and giggled.

Pasta sipper

My son used a piece of macaroni as a straw to drink ketchup from his plate. Another proud Dad moment.

Stinky sleeper

Wake up, stretch, roll over, fart. That's my son!

Dad's dictionary

Son: Dad, what does "union" mean? Me: It's actually a Spanish word that means if one of your children is not putting his laundry away, you can sell him to the alligators and he'll be raised as an alligator child.

May the 4th

Had the kids all bust out their lightsabers and had an epic battle! May the 4th be with you!

Food fusion

Usually I ignore my kid's complaints about restaurant food, but this time the restaurant used salsa instead of marinara for my daughter's spaghetti!

Rice Krispie Crimes

Mom: Sad to see that the only recipe for Rice Krispies is microwave only!!! I'll have to pass down the Real way to make them for sure. It's just not the same.

Bad Kid's Dropoff

Dad: Told my daughter that "The Children's Place" was where you took your kids if they were bad and you wanted to get rid of them.

Bus Stop Sprint

Mom: Got some good sprinting in this morning at the bus stop thanks to my son who left his backpack in the car!

Peace & Quiet

Dad: Kids staying at Gramma's for the weekend? Kind of weird not yelling at anyone in the morning!

Coffee Chat

Mom: Kids had a sleepover with some really chatty friends. I am not used to this much talking in the morning before coffee!!

King of the Castle

Dad: After having nieces come to visit, my wife has brought to light how many "routines" we have and says I am "the king of routines". Is that a good thing???

Baby Shack

Dad: I kind of want to ask the radio shack guy if he babysits. He had all the kids totally calm and listening for like 5 minutes, which is an all time record!

No TVs allowed

Mom: Sitting at lunch with my TV zombie kids, I think they totally should make a "no TV section" for restaurants!

Lost Tooth

My daughter lost a tooth today! And then in true kid style, she lost it four more times.

No fun allowed

I've discovered that I have a "no fun Dad face" that I use when the kids are screwing around.

Noisy nap

Dad: What is it about a parent with their eyes closed that makes kids need to play loudly right next to them?


Dad: In an effort to fight all the children's tears as Dad won the Monopoly game, I joked with everyone that their lands would all be conquered and become part of either Dadtopia or Momsburg.

Invisible rainbow

Mom: The swimming teacher told all the kids to pick a color. My son picked "invisible".

Toilet tag

Dad: My son played "toilet tag" at recess today. So proud.

Rainbow Mom

Mom: My daughter forgot her shoes at school, so Rainbow Dash delivered them and left a note!

Terrible ones

Mom: I think my son is trying to be an over achiever and start his terrible twos at one.

Poop basket

Dad: Son, stop pretending to poop in the laundry basket!

Dog food baby

Mom: So apparently we can throw away all the toys and just buy our baby a dog food bowl, since that's the ONLY thing he wants to play with!


Dad: One of the boys in my daughter's class made a valentine ONLY FOR THE GIRLS of him making a kiss face and hearts floating in the sky.

Brains down the drain

Daughter: Daddy what does this "blond" shampoo do?
Dad: It makes your brains go down the drain.

Eyes Everywhere

Mom: My daughter gives me a hug and goes to touch the back of my head.
She gets a thoughtful look and very seriously asks why she can't see the eyes in the back of my head!

Ice Cream Cart

New shopping strategy, ice cream in the cart to prevent straying from my list and getting outta here! :)

Baby Doll Swimmer

Nothing like a manager at a water park dropping a baby doll into the lazy river to test the reflexes of the life guard.

Thankfully, ours passed, but my heart stopped!

Tinkerbell Star Wars

Mom: My daughter and her friends played Star Wars and she was Queen Amidala and her friend was Princess Leia. And they had wings!! And could fly!!!

Tinkerbell Star Wars anyone?? It can totally happen now!

Gamer Mom

Mom: I wanna play Skylanders. I wanna play Skylanders!
Kids: No mom. It's OUR game.
Mom: Bummer.

Foot Drama

My teenage 8 year old was crying over losing her favorite pair of socks, and is now giddy over how much she loves her new dress shoes. Wow.

Movie Manners

All movie theater etiquette totally goes out the window when we watch a movie at home.
The kids are jumping up and down, hooting and hollering and yelling at the TV.

Tinkerbell Tear Jerker

Maybe one of these days the girls (and Mommy) will be able to make it through Tinkerbell and the secret of the wings without crying, but today is not that day!

Girl Power?

Kind of stinks when the kids watch a cartoon and want to pick which characters they are, and there aren't any girls. :(

Fudge Thief

Only one more piece of chocolate fudge left??
(angry face)

Frozen Wifesicle

Husband of the year award.

Fell asleep in my son's bed after putting him down for the night,
while my wife went to get groceries out of the car.

She accidentally locked herself in the garage, and called and called on my phone but I snored on while she froze outside!

Epic Naptime

Mommy and Daddy both crashed on couches for naps, and big sister put herself and the other kids down for a nap without even asking!!

Epic naptime win!