Pop quiz for parents: What happens right after your kid walks in your room at 2am crying because their belly hurts so bad??
Mom: Did you play that card game with your friends this morning? Daughter: No, I didn't play "princess match" this time because "it was getting too rough".
Had a nice calm quiet time at the movies. Except for when my little girl spilled her drink all over me, and when the baby cried the entire time for Mommy. Time for some drinks and parking my butt on couch!
Amazing. Baby gets his hands all wet from stuffing cheerios in his mouth, then he takes his flat hand and slams it down on more cheerios. They stick to his hand and he eats them off. Repeat.
Baby was asleep on Mommy tonight. Right when I walked by he woke up and said *BURP* DADA!
Son: Dad, what does "union" mean? Me: It's actually a Spanish word that means if one of your children is not putting his laundry away, you can sell him to the alligators and he'll be raised as an alligator child.
Dad: In an effort to fight all the children's tears as Dad won the Monopoly game, I joked with everyone that their lands would all be conquered and become part of either Dadtopia or Momsburg.
Mom: My daughter and her friends played Star Wars and she was Queen Amidala and her friend was Princess Leia. And they had wings!! And could fly!!!
Tinkerbell Star Wars anyone?? It can totally happen now!
Husband of the year award.
Fell asleep in my son's bed after putting him down for the night,
while my wife went to get groceries out of the car.
She accidentally locked herself in the garage, and called and called on my phone but I snored on while she froze outside!