Parent Madness Search

No Presents!

(After Daddy put a Santa hat on) Daughter: Daddy you're a ho ho ho!

Big Nose

Dad: Sweetie you look a lot like Gramma. See, you have the same nose...
Daughter: Yeah, but Gramma's nose is BIG!

Helping Hands

Dad: I'm apparently so used to dining with kids that I scooped broccoli onto my sister's plate before realizing what I was doing!

No Puppy Love

Daughter to Dad: The octagon sign says no kissing doggies on the face!

Salad Sandwich

Son: Mommy, I didn't ask for salad!
Mom: That's not a salad, that's lettuce on your sandwich.

Potty Acrobat

When my little girl sits on the toilet to pee she more or less does the splits. One time when she leaned over to get some TP, she lost her balanced and did a complete forward roll off the toilet onto the floor!


Son to Mom: No mom, it's "cobbage" cheese, not cottage cheese, because Gramma lives in a cottage!

Speedy Poo

Mom: Honey, are you done going potty?
Daughter: Yeah daddy, I'm a FAST pooper!

Circus Crash

After my clumsy little girl came home with a goose egg on her forehead I asked her how it happened.

Daughter: "I fell off the red chair"
Dad: "The red chair?"
Daughter: NO, the THREE red chairs!"

That explains a little!

Beware Falling Rocks

Dad: Why do you think grampa is bald?
Daughter: I think a rock fell on his head and knocked all his hair off!

Spelling Bawl

My 5 year old daughter threw a 10 minute tantrum this morning because I asked her to spell out the name on the Ty beanie baby tag. Pretty sure I lost on that battle!

Space Nap

In the car my daughter was yawning so we said something about her being tired and that's why she should have taken a nap. She goes, but mommy, someone took my rest. They took my rest and sent it to outerspace and I just don't know how to get it back!

Wave Bye Bye

Sitting on a bus that was part of a parade, I notice my son is crying.

Dad: What's wrong??
Son: I lawst mai glovee out da windoooow!!!"

I have the bus driver stop the bus and run back a quarter mile along the whole parade route only to come back and discover his "glovee" on the floor of the bus!

Ruff Arf Woof

At the dinner table every kid gets a turn to tell how our day was. Yesterday the dog came up and started barking and grumbling for a treat to tell us his day too!

Say Cheese

Daddy, take that crocodiles picture! He's smiling because he wants his picture taken!

Smelly Birds

The penguin exhibit at our zoo is a little stinky. Entering the building my son grabbed his nose and yelled "Daddy, this place stinks like penguin poop!"